Yesterday. December 18, 2014. 11a.m.
My husband’s funeral service began. Up to yesterday I could ignore he wasn’t here.
I could ignore the fact that he hadn’t slept in bed with me since Thursday night.
I could ignore the fact that he hadn’t called to ask me if I needed something from the store.
His last car ride.
My last kiss.
I said “see you later” instead of good-bye. Because I will see him later but until we do I have to be the best mom I can be – but my husband is gone.
No more calling him for help with a math question. No more calling him when someone doesn’t want to do school.
No more loud, noisy car coming down the road at 5p.m. telling us to look busy because dad’s almost home.
Yesterday. No more.
I looked around my bedroom last night at the pile of dirty clothes and socks that I haven’t washed. I know that would have driven him nuts.
I looked at the dishes in the sink and knowing it would drive him nuts.
I did laundry this morning. Some of his clothes were in the hamper. I shed some tears.
We had a beautiful service.
Sang “How Great Thou Art” and the Pastor, knowing his love of all things music and his enjoyment of KISS, played “Beth”.
Pastor asked if I could speak. No. No. No. If I had no one would have understood me anyway. What do you say about the man you’d been married to almost 14 years in just a few short seconds?
Our middle daughter played the part of “Oh, Come All Ye Faithful” that she’d learned so far and she even read a poem she’d written.
Yesterday. She was strong. I was weak.
I left my hubby at the graveside. It began to flurry – he’d have hated that, he hated snow! I chuckled about that.
Yesterday made my widowhood official. I can’t ignore it now. My beautiful, handsome and loving husband is gone. I kissed his forehead and left him a letter.
My head feels empty, yet it’s not. No thoughts, then many. Things to do – the utility companies still want their money. Library books have to be returned. At some point we force food into our bodies only because we know we have to, not because we want to.
Tomorrow I have to go to the cemetery to do more paperwork – I guess they think 2 days is long enough to pass between the burial and visiting. Tomorrow will be 1 week.
(c) 2014, Sarah Bailey/Growing for Christ, All Rights Reserved, Unauthorized Duplication is a Violation of Applicable Laws