I’ve been pondering the small things. The small things that never used to matter or did, but I just didn’t pay attention – taking them for granted. The small things – of which there are so many more today than there were say two months ago. I feel like that picture, I’m surrounded by these HUGE mountains, hemmed in on all sides and there’s me – tiny me feeling overwhelmed by the world, by those mountains.
There are good small things:
….cuddling of my children while we watch a movie together
….remembering the things my husband would have said or done (like that OSU game last night that he would have watched)
….forcing myself to get up in the morning, to live
Then there are the small things that break my heart over and over:
….telling our story to yet another person
….seeing those who knew us before treat us differently as if somehow our grief might touch them or death might get transferred
….knowing that my SUV is in the shop and having to drive hubby’s car which still is the way he left it when he got home from work on December 12th before the morning that changed EVERYTHING
….being seen as a widow or surviving spouse, no longer a wife, someone to be pitied
The small things. They can wound. They can rip the scab off without a moment’s notice. They can cause the tears to gush forth.
The small things. They can heal. They can bring on laughter or happy tears. They can lift us up when nothing else seems to be working.
The Bible speaks of us, of widows and children without fathers – the Lord has provided for us – this is no small thing. I try to take comfort in that knowledge, when the days grow weary, when I’m so depressed and lonely – I try to take comfort that I do have another Groom. One who loves me, loves me in my brokenness. Loves my children as their Father. Of course, as I said in another post that doesn’t warm my bed, my Groom can’t hold my hand in the dark, but I know He loves me. Tiny me.
When I think of widows of the Bible, the one with no money left but she put in her last mite and Jesus praised her to His disciples. Oh, how I hope to be like her – so much faith that even knowing that she may be out of money so no food could be bought she chose to honor the Lord and give.
I think of Anna, the prophetess who only had 7 years with her beloved and lived to be a widow of 84 years. In case you’re not sure that meant she was a widow for 77 years before seeing the Christ child. 77 years without a husband, she spent all her time in the Temple, praying and fasting. Day and night.
No, I’m not saying the Lord wants me to give all our remaining money to our church, I’m sure He understands that I need to provide for my children. Yes, our church is there for us too. My thing is that I can trust in the Lord, to give us the small things and the big things. When the small things overwhelm me I can be like Anna and turn to the Lord – He will take care of me. I can wrap the prayer shawl around my shoulders and feel as if the Lord or even my husband is hugging me, giving me comfort.
There are so many small things that some days those small things pile up until they look like those mountains and threaten to fall down and cave in around me. The small things I’m learning need to be taken individually. If I can only deal with one small thing a day then that is okay. Today the small thing will require me to get into his car, turn it on and drive it.
Maybe that is more than small! I will look at his saline spray, his work badge, his sunglasses and think he’ll be back shortly. Yep, it’s not so small now. But I feel small. I feel so insignificant. I’m told I’m strong. I’m not strong. I’m so weak but through my weakness I know the Lord is being honored.
I ask you, if you know a widow, ask if there is a small thing you can do for them:
- a meal
- pray with them, don’t just say I’m praying for you, really, pray with them!
- run and errand
- just sit with them
help them with the small things, so that when the big things come they can handle it. And remember don’t just help with the small things, help in the big things too. For me, much of everything looks like a big thing – even paying a bill, which is simple to most people can tire me out for a whole day.
It’s the small things.
(c) 2015, Sarah Bailey/Growing for Christ, All Rights Reserved, Unauthorized Duplication is a Violation of Applicable Laws