**I began this post before we left on vacation, as of now we are almost to 11 weeks.**
It has been eight weeks. 8 weeks since our lives changed forever. 8 weeks since my husband fell asleep and left us. 8 weeks since we were tossed upon the rocks that is our lives. While I may not be physically hurtled on the rocks my body and my mind feel battered and beaten. The wounds are not visible.
I can’t explain all the feelings and all the things that I’ve had to go through these past weeks, and even if I did tell you – everyone is different and so your loss isn’t the same and your feelings won’t be the same. Having to fight to get the benefits that are due to us has put a huge strain on me and I’m hoping, now that I have the paperwork in hand I’m hoping I can lighten the stress and regain my health.
I’ve been clinging to my verse that I’ve claimed as my life verse before any of this happened – in fact it is engraved on the ring that my hubby bought for me for last mother’s day.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 ESV
I don’t know why the Lord gave me that verse, but He rightly knew that there would be something to happen in my life, something HUGE that would rock our world. Now, don’t get me wrong I still ask Him, “why?” but I also try to rest that He knows what He is doing – I cannot, in my human-ness, in my sinful nature, in my frailty know what that is but I know He understands my questioning, my wondering.
As I’m tossed upon the rocks of the world and let myself be overcome, stressed, sick and tired I need to also realize there is another Rock. I can cling to for safety, peace, health and rest. Yes, easier said than done. As humans we want to solve it all ourselves but when we realize we can’t we can turn to Psalm 18:1-3 (ESV):
I love you, O Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.
I’m so glad, so thankful that as I finish this post after vacation that I can rest in the Lord. My friend gave me rest when we visited her and the rest that comes from the Lord is so much sweeter. It doesn’t take all the ache away. It doesn’t stop the questions. It doesn’t stop the tears. But I can rest. I can leave my questions at His feet. I can put my worries on His shoulders. He knows the heart ache when one loses a loved one.
While the world is throwing me against the rocks that are life I know I can find my refuge in another Rock. I can sit on the Rock and give Him my all – all my ache, all my grief, all my worries, my fears, my hopes, my dreams and He will comfort me and the Rock will be my foundation on which I will continue building our new life. The hard part? Remembering that, especially on the really hard days.
(c) 2015, Sarah Bailey/Growing for Christ, All Rights Reserved, Unauthorized Duplication is a Violation of Applicable Laws