You may have read that I was joining in the book club for this awesome book on this post
. I’m so glad that I’ve joined in – I yell – and I hate yelling at my children not only because I know how it feels to be yelled at by mom and dad (it doesn’t feel good) but because it’s sin and that sin tears my children’s hearts. Some would think “oh, she’s got to have a lot of patience because she homeschools”, or “only supermom would homeschool and WANT to be around her children 24 hours a day 7 days a week”.
Well dispel those myths now! I do not have patience, I was never taught patience, when your son spills milk on the couch twice in 5 minutes, when your daughter says mom for the umpteenth time while you’re trying to finish one sentence in a book, it’s hard to have patience. Yes, I ask myself what would Jesus do? How should I respond? I know a loving mom would quietly put aside her lunch and cheerfully clean up the mess, she would put aside her book and answer “yes dear?”. That’s what I should do. Some days I win the battle, other times I lose.
Am I still a loving mom? Yes, I love my children with all my heart, body and soul. I’d lay down my life for one of them.
Do I always show them love? Most definitely and unfortunately no.
I dread what this will do in the future – will they come to me with their issues, questions, hurts? Yes, but only if I change now.
The first time I read the book was to review it and while I found it great, now that I’m having time to reflect on things that are written by a very real mom it’s hitting home more.
We were asked on the Blog
: How did you start homeschooling? What kinds of sacrifices have you had to make as a mom or for your children? Other reflections on the introduction?
We’ve been homeschooling since well since we brought Hannah home from the hospital beginning with right and wrong, God’s Word and moving on to reading, writing and arithmetic (LOL). My husband and I discussed it as he didn’t want the children in parochial schools since he knew first hand how bad they are, I didn’t want them going to public school since I knew first hand how bad they are, and with private schools not being much better and of course with one income tuition would be too expensive. We’ve lost friends and even some family in ways – our beliefs, our convictions, our lifestyle is not favored and so while some pretend others are outspoken in their hostility to our Christian beliefs and how terrible homeschooling is. Our sacrifice hasn’t been monetary as we always knew we wouldn’t be spending thousands of dollars on our children our sacrifice has been more in the way of friends and family – and sometimes that can be the highest cost of all.
For this week I was supposed to read the Introduction and while I read I jotted some notes and here are some things that jumped out at me:
“What I lacked was a real, growing, intimate relationship with God.” (page 9) I know growing up I went through the motions, yes I loved God but once I hit middle school it didn’t matter as much. Some days I still wonder if my faith one of Saving Grace but I’m growing and that’s an improvement.
“I think it should be noted here that we were planning only one child, maybe two.” (page 11) Oh my! Yes! That was me, actually MY plan was to never have children, I wanted a career as a high profile attorney – maybe marriage, but no children. I got married and got pregnant right away, then we lost that baby. Within months I was pregnant again, had graduated with my associates degree and it was decided that I would stay home. WHAT??? Yes, I wanted to stay home with my baby, I quit working a month or so before our first was born. I went on birth control as all responsible women do after the birth of a child and then we decided it was time for another, but that was it! While pregnant with #2 I began to feel strongly that birth control was wrong and as I read more and learned more my heart became convicted and husband was in agreement – no more birth control after baby #2. I became pregnant with #3 about 2 years after #2, which seemed to be my pattern even with the birth control. We let go and let God. Now I’m dealing with what my OB calls secondary infertility (regardless of how many children it’s referred to as secondary). God knows my heart. He knows. We still use no birth control but when you let go and let God, that could mean you end up with 7 children or loving the 3 you already have.
“….but I had not considered what God’s plan might be for their lives.” (page 24) Some days I forget that it’s not what I want for my children but what God has in store that is important. I need to show my girls that I enjoy being at home, being a homemaker, being a mom and how to be a mom and pray that the Lord’s will is that they be home for their husband, their children, their home. I need to show my son what a good wife is, what a godly wife is – so that when he marries (if that is God’s will) he will know what qualities should be present in a godly wife for himself and a mother for his children.
“You can recover your heart. It may be lost, but it can be found. Your heart might be wounded, but it can be healed. ……” (page 28) I think this says it all. You may have closed off your heart because of the way you were raised. Because of the way some guy treated you. Because of a friend who back stabbed you. I’m learning to let my heart be softened – as I read about the Patriarchs of the Old Testament and the love for their sons when they failed, how much God love us when we fail, my heart becomes softer toward my children, my heart heals, my heart is found, my heart is renewed by the reading of God’s Word and fellowship toward my God, my children, my husband, my self.
I’m looking forward to the next several weeks of this study and if you’d like to join in please visit The Pelsers
to find out how you can still join in to learn how to have H.E.A.R.T. for your children.